It's the way my life is.

2011-02-22T11:07:00.001-08:00

I've been sitting here long enough,
the pain has grown overwhelming,
Again and Again he memories rush back,
when I specifically don't ask them to.

I thought I could control my own mind.

2010-06-16T13:22:00.001-07:00

We are all able to give up, Anytime of the day.

But outlasting to the day is an accomplishment.

The word love.

2010-05-27T14:11:00.001-07:00

It's not a word you should be able to use everyday.

Get over yourself.

You have no idea what love is.

When you grow up and look back i hope you realize how stop you look.

Sometimes saying "i love you" is the worst thing you can do for a girl.

It's a useless word if you say it once. and believe that you mean it.

Get over yourself.

2010-05-18T17:32:00.000-07:00

Appreciation for them.

It's taken me a while to realize. family is the only concrete thing that is able to here.

But there is more to learn.

The way I've been seeing it.

2010-05-18T17:18:00.000-07:00

Life is life.. and there is nothing you can do about it.
We meet our challenges only to expect failure.
We reach our destination only to find another place to go.
We find ourselves in desperation for love and we find we dont have the time to wait.

But what more is there?
There's a lot more.
Friendship Family God,
so many unnoticed things that run through our mind everyday.
So occasionally that when it really counts you can't name it off the bat.

Topic: life.
Problem: life.
Succession: it's all right in front of you.
But who am i to say i've only been here for 15 years.
experienced heartbreak and nothing else but drama.
Maybe it's just life is becoming harder to teach me lessons.

The wondering thoughts are only expressed through one's thoughts.
but thats the problem.
our thoughts.
thats all we have to call our own.
our "own".
the dreams the wants the "needs".

Life is a choice. and if you live it the right way, it will run smoothly.
Don't always think it's hard. it's easy.

It's bad it's good. it's expressive it denial. it's strong it's pride
it's discovery.
so don't you dare give up.. youve been through too much. and you havent got the right to decide when to end it.
Only to end it would begin nothing do nothing.
It's your responsiblity to find happiness. and you will find it.

What people say .

2010-02-08T08:36:00.001-08:00

WOW . wtff ? do I know you ?

Never

2010-02-05T21:18:00.000-08:00

I've been hurt to many times.
And I promise myself I will never get hurt again .
I'll meet Mr. right some how.
In the future.

Be.

2009-12-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

I will never change.
Ima be.
Who i am.

Violin

2009-11-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

I just fell back in love with it.. again. Can't let go. Your music to my ears. Created by me.

Sorrow Days

2009-11-11T15:26:00.000-08:00

And you'll come in with that sorrow face.
Everyone will crowd around you.
But, Ill be the one who steps out.
Pushing away your hair.
Planting the sweetest kiss.
And claim when its ok.
When its really not.

Yesterday, and the day before that.

2009-11-10T03:25:00.000-08:00

WOW. yesterday was a ROLLER COASTER ride.
I wish people would just keep their mouths shut.

2009-11-08T17:52:00.000-08:00

Just walk away and act as if nothing happened. Its OK. You can JUST LEAVE ME here. ALL alone.. Crying into my knees, on my knees. Crying so hard I can't breathe. So hard, it's impossible to think.
My eyes go blurry and images make up their minds to clear my mind. WHAT just happened? I would really like to know.

~ you hurt me. You hurt me bad. So why don't you just ;stomp KICK punish; me and give me a heart arrest. Then leave me alone. Mentally disabled till there is nothing left.

LOVE as if you never been hurt before. Go to that girl youve always dreamed of. Blonde hair blue eyes. the worst of all, a barbie doll...

Family

2009-11-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

I find my own path in life. My parents have been covering me with an umbrella for a while. Its time to draw holes and increase the water flow.. release of stress helps once in a while. I can only take some much protection till it becomes overwhelming.

Ive tried to take multiple strides. But none work better then just saying "I need space."

I NEED ROOM TO BREATHE. If only rents listened closer. Sometimes I just want to scream in my pillow and yell as loud as I can. But I figure it;s not going to work till I am 18 years. Of course not. WE all have our moments where we want to run away from life and take in a deep breath.

Nothing without you.

2009-11-08T14:29:00.000-08:00

Every single time, I think of you; I add it to my box of WANT TO BE. Everything I need.

Christmas

2009-11-08T14:22:00.000-08:00

Christmas is the best holiday of the year.
Santa Claus is REAL in MY MIND.

God.

2009-11-08T11:09:00.000-08:00

Taking forever to think. and then comes church. the only place where I can be calm and think about everything. BBBBBBB :) my best frann in church is always drawing the randomest things.. ITs pretty funny :) but watevs god is good and its taken me a while to realize.

Dedicated to Peanut butter.

2009-11-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

I asked my friend If I could write about her. Another blog. Very vague.
She once liked this guy. where in fact she came up with a secret name for us to talk about Behind closed doors of course. FOR 11 months, shes been liking this ONE GUY. Gave him her words of fake love.
Over the summer they talked about stuff like school and all. In a way she couldn't tell him how shes felt. AGREED. It was the hardest thing to believe but the more I got to know how much it meant to her, I finally realized how hard it is for guys to understand.
OPPOSITE sex much? guys take so much advantage of us girls. and this is just one example. He talked to her much while I was there but of course I had to live 091834750981730984 miles away. This guy really pisses. I would really like to slap him. .If only it would knock some sense into him???
He sings to entertain and is really funny. THIS perspective only takes a few seconds to understand. he plays the trumpet.
DIRT:: My opinion, hes a faggot and needs to talk and stop hurting her feelings. we had dinner one night. and sorry to say this but hes wasteful as anything! he through out perfectly good FOOD!! I mean who can throw out food. GOOD food especially that fact that her dad is a great chef.
DIARY of the day. get his eyes checked.
LESSON: Young love is not a myth. It actually exists and it takes a bunch more dedication for a girl to like a guy for 11 months. Come on dude. Life is only so short take chances. Cuase love isnt love till u give it away.

2009-11-07T14:36:00.000-08:00

there are times where I just want to give up. give up to humanity. maybe even go insane. and you know who makes me want to do this. Not people. Not friends. Not family. my mistakes. My mistakes are what throw me off.
When I am walking home I often think of the things I could have done better, much better. How i could have made a better respond. How I could have actually looked you in the eyes.
I picture myself in your eyes. how I may seem to you. the things I do
these are only a few things.

Sayings

2009-11-06T15:31:00.000-08:00

For all you lovers out there.You know how it's like. To sit on that bench in the parking lot. Look around every corner. Wating, Patiently. For that ONE person to show their face. You get that gut feeling that makes you want to puke, YET its a good feeling, it makes you want to fly and soar and do everything possible that will make them notice you.. All you need is a smile. An inspiration, to keep you liking them.

And then when finally, you get to the highest point in adrenaline, HEART RACING, and mind TWIRLING. they forget your face. Your images become blurry. What ignorance they show. On the way home you hold it in. Seconds pass, Thoughts race, of what had happened that day. His laugh, you standing in a corner, him passing aling as if there's nothing to see.

The hallways, the peeking around the corners, and then the Gut feeling. But today you choose to fade, imagine and dream of what could happen. Instead of being outrageous. Your effort to be noticed, a waste of time.

I waited till the day I couldn;t take it aymore. Where I break down crying. I could've have let all HELL break loose, for my love for you to leak. But no, I waited to return to my castle in the skies where everything is perfect. Ponies, rainbows, and pure love. Panting for Air. Knelt to the ground and cried my eyes out.

Oh, Don't worry we all over exagerrate. But love is hard, it truly is. No one can fully understand what you go through everyday. The Steps you climb to catch a glimpse, the fastened pace to keep up, to catch an eye. I might not understand, but I know what it's like to be broken down till there's no way out. Till there is no Phsycatrist that can help, take all the "pain and confusion away."

Claiming Young love is a myth and should be banished from sanity. Till teenagers have nothing else to abide to but their parents rules. Breathe. There is much more to tell, less time to tell it. But a million breathes to take hold of. A thousand more words couldn't show the devistation that shines through my eyes everyday. Your eyes everyday.

Lesson: Go all out. Or don't try at all.